Learning from how others see you
Imposter syndrome is a frustrating barrier to overcome. No matter how much success you may have, there is that voice in the back of your head constantly downplaying these successes. This internal conversation can not only hold you back, but also keep you from celebrating your progress. Escaping imposter syndrome is not easy and can take many years to do so. One way I have found to break that cycle is to see myself how others see me.
As a successful professional, you have multiple, daily interactions with many colleagues. Some you may supervise, some may be your managers or leaders in your organization, others peers. You have strong relationships with these colleagues. They seek you out for your knowledge and expertise. They seek you out for personal conversations. Perhaps they think you should apply for specific jobs. They also give you your performance reviews. With all these types of interactions, what could happen if you see yourself as they see you?
This may take a little bit of intuition, but if you drop your internal conversation, you can start to see that your colleagues go out of their way to seek you out. They are not surprised by your success; in fact, they expect it. Your supervisors have invested time in putting together valuable performance evaluations acknowledging what you have accomplished in the past year. Leaders in your organization seek you out for work on important projects or to bounce ideas off you. When you take a step back and make these observations, you see a pattern. What is that pattern you see? Is it someone blindly stumbling onto things by accident? If you are honest with your observations, you know this is not true. What you would see is highly valued and good at what they do. This is no accident; this is you and who you are.
We are naturally doubting what we achieve or can achieve. That is part of the imposter syndrome. It is also a completely wrong approach as we have an inherent bias depending on how we have been brought up. We inevitability place more weight on our setbacks as a trend and dismiss our successes as a fluke. We are not the best judges of who we are. However, those with whom we work and spend time on a daily basis know us and know us well. When you see yourself how they see you, it opens an entirely new door.
Reflect on your last performance conversation or a work award you received or a kind word your partner or child shared with you. What did they observe that you can add to your own personal narrative? Whatever they said, it was real, and it counts because they know you, maybe even better than yourself.
When you make this shift in your personal narrative, you will feel empowered and change how you see yourself. Changing this narrative removes the barriers that hold you back. With those barriers gone, you begin to honor how others see you and be the best version of yourself.
