Giving yourself the gift of grace

In coaching we place special emphasis on the belief that our clients are whole and capable of great achievements. To get there we help the client identify what is holding them back and empower the client to identify actions that will break through those barriers. At the outset, that sounds like a lot of pressure, but to get there, you have to be willing to give yourself a break and give yourself permission to accept that you are whole and capable of great things. In sum, you have to give yourself the gift of grace.

Grace is the belief that no matter what happens, you are on the right path in your personal

growth that nothing- not a bad day at work, not getting a promotion, job, etc. can take that away from

you. Giving yourself grace is you saying “Its ok, I am allowed to be disappointed and frustrated, but this

does not take away from who I am and I can grow and be stronger from this experience” Grace is

trusting in a higher process or power and accepting that you cannot control everything and what

happens is going to happen. In a way, grace is changing your perspective form seeing a set back as a

failure indicative of who you are as a person to seeing it as a necessary step on your road to personal

growth.

Grace is a habit you must develop. Over the course of your life, you may have filled your head with self-

talk from affirmations to negativity. Some of these things are beneficial, others are detrimental. For

many, negative self-talk may be the dominant voice. We are always hardest on ourselves and create

unrealistic expectations. It is easy to forget that perfection is the enemy of the good. As a result, when a

setback occurs, these patterns of thought will lead to negative self-talk. In these moments, it is

important for you to take a deep breath, feel the moment and cut yourself some slack. When you do

this, you may find that your perspective on things changes and barriers you have set up along the way

tend to disappear. This is the power of grace.

Here are some ways you can give yourself grace:

1) Take note to what you instinctively tell yourself when something unexpected happens.

2) If it is negative self talk, observe it. What is it telling you? What are the emotions involved?

What does that tell you about you? Don’t be afraid of the answer, use it as an observable

moment.

3) Turn the phrase around. If the phrase such as “I can never get a break!” comes up, ask yourself:

“If I always get the breaks, what does that look like?” This turns a negative into a positive and

creates perspective. Maybe you discover that this is merely a frustrating one-off and there isn’t

a pattern here.

4) Come up with affirmations you can repeat to yourself to help sooth. Think of them as a nice

warm bath with fragrant soap bombs. Phrases such as “You still go this!” “This doesn’t change

who you are” or “You are more than a job title” can be reminders that you are more than what

just happened.

5) Allow yourself to feel upset, but put a timer on it. Then give yourself permission to adjust

expectations. There is nothing wrong with adjusting expectations. To use a sports analogy,

many teams make halftime adjustments, especially if the game is not going their way. Allow

yourself to do the same thing.

6) What would you tell a co-worker, friend or loved one in the same situation? Use those words

for yourself!

7) Set aside reflection time for yourself to fully process the day, what happened. Celebrate your

victories, learn from your set backs but at the end, let everything go.

8) Who are your cheerleaders and support people? Seek them out, vent and let them pick you up.

9) Still feel overwhelming? Consider working with a coach who can create the space for

understanding and action.

These are just a few suggestions. I know you have more that can best fit your needs. The important

message is to give yourself grace, no matter what form it takes. Giving yourself grace empowers you to

let go of unrealistic expectations, circumstances beyond your control and negative thoughts that have

been holding you back. Breaking the pattern of negative self-talk requires work and the breaking of bad

habits. When that happens, you begin to see what may have been holding you back. From there you

can get back on the road to being the best version of yourself.